7QT: Jojo’s Bachelors

The Bachelorette is coming back on Monday and after months of excitement (2 months to be exact…), Jojo’s bachelors were announced and I quickly went to read their bios.

Men.

Macho Men.

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There were definitely some highlights and many, many lowlights. Like the top favorite movies were Gladiator, Dumb & Dumber, Ace Ventura. Someone even mentioned Toy Story 3. One even is wearing an ascot in his bio photo like Ken from Toy Story 3.

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But here are 3 guys who make the very strict, very judgy Wilber Huset cut and 4 guys who hopefully will NOT make Jojo’s cut on day 1 (but probably will because the producers have too much of a say! Bachelor conspiracy post for another day!).

 

1. Ali

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His bio was kind of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, but favorite movies are Midnight in Paris, Dumb & Dumber, Her which are great, and has a fear of bugs which I also share. Atlas and Ollie caught 2 giant jerusalem crickets aka straight spawn of satan, the other day and I almost fainted. He’s also a shorty like my Daniel, but what sold me on him was this very exclusive behind the scenes video Bachelor Super Fan Grace sent me about what some of the men packed and I’m pretty sure I would wear every shirt he showed. But he seemed super nice! Jojo needs nice!

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2. Coley

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If Shia Labeouf and Ashton Kutcher had a baby, it would look like him. He’s a real estate consultant and you know if you’re in real estate, you have a good chance of being on The Bachelor/The Bachelorette. But basically he made the cut because he said his favorite book is the Harry Potter series.

 

3. Jordan

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Front runner and he seems like such a normal, bland man which goes far in the Bachelor world. He’s also the brother of Aaron Rogers (and kind of looks like he could be related to my friend Scott??), but you know that’ll get him extra coverage. Dream job as a food critic, yep. But Vince Vaughn is his favorite actor??????????? Idk, but that kind of seems like the perfect combo for Jojo!?

 

4. Chad

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NO NO NO, STOP. We’ve already seen you a million times on the show. You know, the super condescending guy who everyone talks about and gets so much airtime that no one likes you but then at the Men Tell All you say that you’re sorry and this experience has been really eye opening and has changed you for the better and then we see you on Bachelor in Paradise. I’m pretty sure at some point he’s going to say, “I didn’t come here to make friends.” But hopefully he will have a Ben Z. transformation and show that he is more than someone who packs a suitcase full of protein.

 

5. Evan

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He may have the most eye catching occupation title this season, but if chipped nails is a deal breaker, that says a lot about him. 7/10 of my nails have chipped nail polish while the other 3 are completely bare. All of them have some sort of dirt/food/bodily substance underneath. Bye!

 

6. Grant

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Do you consider yourself a romantic and why? Yes, even if I’m just hooking up with a girl, I still do cute stuff for them all the time.” Just hooking up, y’all, but more importantly, “What’s your worst date memory? Getting lunch with a girl and listening to her talk about Harry Potter for 20 minutes.” If praising Harry Potter allows you to make the cut, then bashing HP makes you unworthy of anybody.

 

7. Daniel

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Besides him repeatedly referring to himself as a lambo, his biggest offense is when he refers to his 37 months overseas rather than saying 3 years. Only acceptable if you are talking about an infant or toddler under 2 years old— sorry 24 months old.

 

There ya go! What do you guys think?? Anyone stick out to you??

 

 

 

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