Saint Anne and the Baby Dream

Popping in 2 days in a row! Look at me! I have to share the last 24 hour and how much peace the Saint Anne novena has already brought me.

 

31 weeks

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Remember yesterday how I wrote how I am experiencing the nightly, end of pregnancy anxiety of realizing I am going to have to give birth again? Okay— so my main intention with this novena is all surrounding this birth and trying to find peace (plus praying to please please please have another successful medicated birth). Anyway, last night I had the most amazing (and kind of weird) dream. Dreams are big for me and often a place where I find peace, knowledge, and actually grow closer to God.

Well last night I had a dream that I was in a doctors office looking at a new ultrasound photo of baby boy that was so realistic. I was swooning over how cute he looks when the nurse? doctor? lady said, “Well here, you can look at him.” and I look down and he is outside of me on the exam bed. As soon as I look into his eyes, he gives me the hugest smile— I’m talking like he is a 2-3 month old— and he is just so cute and familiar. Like yes, of course this is him! He has the same shape face as Ollie and Atlas, but with Ollie’s skin tone. His cheeks are no where near how jolly and plump Oliver’s were, but not as trim as Atlas’ were either. His eyes are really dark, more like Atlas’ color but his eye shape is similar to Prim’s. He has a big tuft of hair on top of his head, like Atlas did, but the sides are thin like how Ollie’s hair was.

Combo of these three photos (Oliver, Atlas, Primrose):

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Anyway, we are both just beaming at each other and I ask him, “Are you _____ (baby name we think we’ve settled on)? Is that your name?” and he smiled super big and started kicking his legs all excitingly and it clicked to me that I think we finally have his name now. So I pick him up and start nursing him and he keeps giving me those sly nursing smiles. I keep being in awe of how chill and happy he is. I change his diaper and the nurse doctor lady comes back in the room and says, “Okay, it’s time to put him back in. You’ll get to see him again in 9 weeks!” and I so don’t want to hand him back over to go back into my stomach (lol), but I give him a kiss and wake up.

I woke up around sunrise and was just so at peace. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in worrying about birth, that I forget the joy of having and holding my baby at the end of it. It felt like such a divine gift and reminder that this is what I have to look forward to. I also have dreamt what each of my babies (and some of my friends babies) have looked like and it’s usually pretty accurate so I can’t wait to see if that is what he looks like.

Baby boy was so similar to this photo of Atlas:

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Another special gift on this second day of the novena was an amazing appt with my OB. Local friends that also see him know that he isn’t chatty and is known for not the best bedside manner, but that he is such an advocate and defender of  YOU and your baby and what you want when it’s time to deliver your baby. Well today he was SO talkative and really wanted to hear so much more about my previous births and after explaining how I’m traumatized from Ollie and Atlas’ births (tldr; stuck at 9.5cm for 10 hours plus NICU + stuck again at 9.5cm plus ring of fire) that I feel like I’m not going to get another birth like Prim’s and I’m really anxious about it, he says to me, “Okay, I want you to know that’s not going to happen this time and I’m not going to let that happen this time [the boys births]. If you’re wanting this, we can get things going at 39 weeks. You can have your child care all set up so you don’t have to think about it and as soon as you have the slightest signs of labor, I’ll get you in the hospital and hooked up to that epidural. I don’t want you worrying about this.” and I say, “That is EXACTLY what I want.” and try not to burst into tears of relief. So basically the dream birth I typed out yesterday is the one he described he can make happen for me today. (Annoying note: I know it probably won’t go exactly as planned and there is only so much control in birth, but still. Joy joy joy.)

 

So there. Such a change in mood from yesterday and really feeling everyone’s prayers and God’s grace upon me right now.

 

Thank you, thank you.

 

 

Little Bit of the Late

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Mid-summer break check in! School starts back up in 5 weeks, guys! I associate school resuming to starting to be on baby high alert and that stressssses me out. Slight relief in the thought that I am only 2 months out from having this baby because I feel like crap everyday. The exhaustion is back where I honestly don’t know how they kids survive 2pm- until Daniel gets home because my daily goal is basically to make it to naptime/quiet time then I’m done for the day. My mystery allergies may have been solved because Daniel super trimmed back our Brugmansia aka angel’s trumpets aka toxic plant from our bedroom window and my night allergies have stopped! So at least I’m no longer wheezing every night… but I’ve also gotten to the point of being mildly depressed at night at the thought of having to birth another baby. Dream birth for me would be me going in bright and early on the Friday before my due date to my OBs office, getting my membranes swept (haven’t done this before and my babies are all late so wishful thinking), going into labor, getting checked in at the hospital and getting an epidural ASAP, have the baby by that night and slip into the weekend where I’m not stressing about child care while I’m in the hospital not feeling a damn thing cuddling my babe.  The Saint Anne novena starts today and it really got me thorough Prim’s end of pregnancy and birth (Prim’s born on her feast day, July 26!). That novena is so beautiful and powerful. Saint Anne, the Blessed Mother’s mama, is the patroness of pregnancy, birth, and homemakers so she’s a good heavenly friend to have.

Anyway, we don’t have much left we need for the babe and my sweet mom asked me to make a registry for her so she’s been helping out and chipping away at some items which we’re so thankful for. We have a cosleeper we’ve set up for every baby so far that always ends up holding random dirty clothes and toys instead of the baby and the baby ends up in our bed, so this time around I’m hoping the Moses basket route a few feet from our bed will keep the baby in there. I also made a “Before the Baby” small to-do list when I found out we were pregnant that we are almost done with!

Potty Train Prim – check

Night Potty Train Atlas – check

Fix Our Broken Bed – check

Boys Take Swim Lessons – check

Finish Prim’s Baby Book – ….

I’m planning to finish that last one up in the next couple weeks, so it feels good to have these goals done so soon.

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We went to Palm Springs for 2 nights with some friends after 4th of July and it was as great as it always is (deets for another post), but on the way back our van broke down in the 120 degree heat because our auxiliary fan broke. Long story short, our van needed another expensive repair which has been happening like every 2 months for the past 8 months. Fueled by pregnancy nesting and the need for security and safety, we bit the bullet and got the VW Atlas, or Atlas Jr. as we call it.

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What else, what else. Prim has been starting to try to not nap and it’s the absolute worst. Here’s an exclusive photo of Atlas doing what I feel like doing when she won’t fall to sleep. (Everyone was fine, don’t you worry).

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I had like 5 more things I planned to type out and go on and on about, but it IS nap time right now and Prim is needing another reminder to stop singing songs and playing with her stuffed animals and my eyelids are heavy and I have that novena to start and a rosary to squeeze in before our next round of swim lessons that start later today so it’s time to peace out.

 

If you’re looking for more to read, someone re-posted Kate’s Before I Had a Seven Year Old series from a while back on FB which is SO worth a read.

 

Until next time.

 

 

 

7QT: Summa, Swim, + Temperaments

Might not be so quick-ish this week…

 

1. Summatime

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Long time since the last 7QT! We went and survived our trip to Paris/London. Hopefully I’ll get around to typing it all out soon soon soon. School ended and we are fully embracing summer life. I love not having to pack school lunches and making sure there is a clean uniform or that homework is done. We’ve had beach + pool days, BBQs, movie nights, all the good stuff. It’s weird having a kid in school and really feeling and experiencing summer again (kinda).

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2. Atlas + Cholericness

With Ollie being back home and being King of the Castle amongst the kids, Atlas has been having a little bit of a hard time adjusting. It’s actually been great because him and Ollie get along really, really well most of the time and have been spending hours playing legos together. The issue is when Ollie gets extra bossy/perfectionist and Atlas gets bothered by it, Atlas takes it out on Prim. I’m so glad I ordered and finished reading A Spiritual Growth Plan for Your Choleric Child by Connie Rossini. Cholerics are known by how they react immediately to stimuli so it addressed how when your choleric child is bothered he/she jumps to anger and then that anger needs an outlet aka what’s been going on with Atlas, so basically it’s about catching that space between anger and reacting and teaching them to channel it into something appropriate— time alone to calm down whether it’s going outside for a few to ride a bike, go into their bedroom to write, etc. When I’m able to catch it, I notice a big difference. I’m waiting and waiting for her to write her book about melancholics so I can better address my own issues and how to help with Prim endlessly being offended by everything and Ollie’s fluctuating anxiety/perfectionism/bossiness.

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Hello, Third Tri

Popped in at the end of the first trimester so here I am again at the end of the second!

 

How far along? 28 weeks!

How big is the baby? Size Me Up App says Bowling Pin… lemme look up which fruit… ahhh a large eggplant.

Total weight gain/loss? Only 3 pounds so far! However, in the third trimester I usually gain double the amount you’re supposed to per week so we shall see… My appetite has increased SO much and just take a look down at my cravings…

Maternity clothes? Nope, living in elastic waist shorts and flowy dresses. I am running out of shirts that decently cover my bump though.

Sleep? Ugh, well I have been battling allergies for months and months now that plague me only at night. We have gotten an air purifier for our bedroom, pillow covers and a mattress cover but it’s not helping that much. Plus at least 1 bathroom trip.

Best moment this week? Finding out that I am still not anemic!? I have been almost my entire adult life minus this pregnancy.

Symptoms? Tired, “DGAF” attitude, my right hip is starting to on and off go out, nausea if I don’t graze all day long.

Food cravings? All the junk. This week has been unfrosted strawberry pop tarts!?

Food aversions? Still weirded out by chicken and strong fish smells.

Gender? My baby boy!

Milestones? Hiccups recently which are so cute and tiny.

Bump? Oh yes. Already at the “how do I have room to grow this babe for 12 more weeks!?”.

 

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7QT: French is Hard + Normal Life

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1. Bonjour

We leave this weekend! Please keep praying for us! A lot of my anxiety has been lifted, PTL, and I am actually really excited. One of the places that we’re visiting is the Chapelle De Notre Dame de la Medaille Miraculeuse…. Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal! Like, THE Miraculous Medal. Can’t wait to see the incorrupt body of Saint Catherine Laboure. Send me any intentions you’d like me to pray for while we’re there!

2. French

Also worth noting, I’ve been working on my French with Duolingo for the past 2 weeks and OH MY GOSH. French is so impossible. Spanish and Norwegian, I can soak it up so easily but French makes no sense to me and everything sounds the same. Today one of the questions was to translate “Je cherche mon chien” aka “I am searching for my dog”, but the pronunciation is

Follow that link and click on the little speaker icon and see what I mean. Impossible. So basically I’ll be Merci-ing, Bonjour-ing, Pardon-ing, Parlez vous anglaise-ing my way through Paris.

3. Gifts

Okay, one last thing about the trip. I ended up getting the kids a tiny gift for them to open everyday we’re gone (I <3 Target $1 Section) and wrapped them with a little note. Might be little over the top of me, but they’ve been breaking my heart with their “Why can’t we come?”, “I don’t want you to go.”, “I’m going to miss you so much.”. So hopefully bubbles, Tic-Tacs, and Play-doh are worthy parent replacements.

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4. Homestead

We had a nice balance of homesteading and lifestyling this weekend by venturing out to Ikea to get a new dining room table. Our old one is still available! Vintage mid century dining table, $200 OBO! Anyway, that was a trek because our van a/c also broke and we forgot that Ventura is in this nice cloudy May pocket whereas the rest of LA is scorching so we were dripping surrounded by giant boxes.

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5. Lifestyle

And we also went to the beach! First real beach day this year and it was so relaxing— the kids have a general sense to not got far into the water which is such a milestone!

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6. Legos

Oliver and Atlas combined their birthday money to buy a giant Ninjago lego set— over 1000 pieces. They’ve been chipping away at it all week and I can’t help but love/hate legos because it’s so mentally stimulating and good for them, but I’m finding stray legos everywhere. In the bathroom, pantry, bed, laundry, etc etc etc etc etc.

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7. Not photos, whaaaaboooom

I actually didn’t take many photos this week! Lucky you!

But, how much of a let down was the premiere of The Bachelorette?? I love Rachel! The guys were all so so so so lame. I can’t pick a favorite at all. Ashley Jones recap was magic like always (even though I disagree with liking Bryan). Hoping next week is better and that Daniel doesn’t hate me when I inevitable download the episode next Monday while we’re in Paris…

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Linking up with Kelly!

 

Crepes! Pain au chocolat! Cafe mocha! Rosé! S’il vous plaît! Au revoir!