Felix Thomas Wilber

A couple weeks before we found out we were pregnant, Prim started this new game where she kept calling her cheetah lovey “my baby sister”. So when that pregnancy test showed up positive, I couldn’t help but think, “is this one of those creepy ‘kids can sense these things first’ and I was pregnant with her baby sister???”. We had a super extensive list of boys names, but they all were duds. Daniel and I had been talking baby names a bit before getting pregnant and both fell in love with the name Marigold if we had a girl. A few weeks into this pregnancy, we had our girl name set: Marigold Ines/Inez (couldn’t decide on spelling). When I was looking into the name meaning I discovered that Marigold means Mary’s Gold and is associated with Our Lady of Sorrows who’s feast day is Sept 15 and I was due Sept 18/20! I got all emotional and took it as a sign that maybe I really was having a girl and this was her name! Then I started getting emotional at the thought of NOT having a boy but also the thought OF having a boy because the name was so perfect. Basically just being a hyper emotional pregnant lady. Literally that exact night I had a dream that I was actually having a boy and woke up feeling really refreshed and loving the idea of having a boy (and a little emotional at the thought of not having a girl, haha. Woe is me.).

I initially was thinking of waiting to find out the gender until birth, but after making a trusty Pro/Con list, I knew I should find out since I was prone to end of pregnancy anxiety and the thought of not knowing would probably increase it. So around mid-pregnancy we found out we were having a boy!!

We were stoked. Although, Prim kept saying for a while, “my baby brother is my baby sister” then changed it to “my baby brother is a poopoo baby” to just “my baby brother”.

So BOY! No name stood out. We would fall in love with a name for one day then hate it the next. I reached out to the lovely Kate from Sancta Nomina to do a name consultation to hopefully get some insight and ideas for names since we were feeling like we were in such a rutt. Kate’s consultation was so great! We loved how she made the connection of our names all relating to nature. Out of her suggestions, we LOVED the name Oscar. For whatever reason, we had always said that if we got a male dog, we’d name him Oscar so we never considered it for a baby, ha!

We went on our babymoon to Paris and was hoping that being there would inspire us and guide us towards a name, but nothing. We came back home still with no name standing out to us.

I don’t remember how exactly, but the name Felix was popping back up on my radar. I think re-reading the other kid’s naming stories reminded me how Oliver Henry was almost Oliver Felix. I looked up Felix’s name meaning and fell in love.

“Happy, fortunate, lucky”

How cute it that? Plus it’s pretty universal in spelling and pronunciation around the world. Also the name of 4 popes and 67 saints, so it definitely is very Catholic. So we toyed with the name Oscar Felix or Felix Oscar, but then I kept wondering why that sounded so familiar and googled Oscar Felix and got reminded of how the 2 main characters in The Odd Couple are Oscar and Felix so I quickly nixed it. Plus, part of me was wanting the kids to all have a different first initial. I know it’s kind of silly, but after highly considering Oscar, I realized I really liked the idea of them all having a letter to themselves. Maybe I’ll change my mind with the next baby.

So Felix became the top name on our list. I was really in need of an emotional attachment to the name though, and I hadn’t had it yet but those connections did end up coming 2 ways.

The first was someone who commented on one of my posts suggesting the name Felix and referenced Felix Leseur, who I had never heard of. I immediately looked up his story and felt so moved and drawn to him. He was a prominent Atheist in Paris in the late 1880’s (FRENCH CONNECTION!) who married a devout Catholic woman, Elisabeth, in 1889. Long story short (GO READ Ven. Fulton Sheen’s account here – scroll down to his letter), Elisabeth became ill and passed away at the age of 47 and when Felix was going through her papers and journals found this letter she had written to him before she passed away:

“In 1905, I asked almighty God to send me sufficient sufferings to purchase your soul.  On the day that I die, the price will have been paid.  Greater love than this no woman has than she who lay down her life for her husband.”

He was furious over her piety and felt moved to go study and write against Our Lady of Lourdes to disprove it and while visiting the grotto, had an instant vision and conversion. He became a Dominican priest in Belgium and was one of Fulton Sheen’s spiritual advisors. His wife Elisabeth is under the beautification process and currently a Servant of God.

HOW AMAZING.

Second emotional connection happened while I was on day 2 of the Saint Anne Novena. You may remember, but I had the most beautiful and peaceful dream where I met my baby and confirmed that his name was indeed Felix.

Also, I can’t forget to mention that again, just by chance, my baby ended up with a Harry Potter name. Felix Felicis!

So we went into his birth knowing that his name was Felix, but had no middle name set. We had tossed around the idea of using Thomas as a middle name after Daniel’s father because Daniel’s middle name is after his maternal grandfather and his dad’s middle name is after his father, so it’s kind of a thing. Plus we wanted to pay homage to someone on his side of the family especially after using Lucia as a middle name for Primrose after my grandma. So when he was born, it was clear to us that this buddy boy was Felix Thomas.

I also loved the reference to Saint Thomas the Apostle, aka Doubting Thomas. I feel like I was so consumed with anxiety and fear and basically just lacking in trust at the end of my pregnancy, that I feel like I could relate so much with St Thomas’s skepticism with the Lord right in front of him.

Thomas also means, “twin” and I can’t help but feel a connection between St Thomas and Felix Leseur by them both being men who struggled with seeing the beauty of the faith right in front of them and then overcoming their doubts and becoming such devout servants of the Church. I feel like having them as patrons over my little Felix gives me such a sense of peace as Felix grows up and grows (hopefully) deeper into the faith. We love our little man so much and can’t wait to see how his personality and temperament show up to reflect his name.

You can read how the other kids got their names here:

BB Names: Oliver Henry Wilber

BB Names: Atlas James Wilber

BB Names: Primrose Lucia Wilber

1. FELIX

Guys, he’s the best thing ever. He’s nursing great (except for last night where I got a nice reminder how how crappy it feels to be leaking all over and ultra engorged. Magical.). He’s sleeping well (if he’s snuggling someone). He’s just the sweetest. Reminds me a lot of baby Ollie.

2. Postpartum

Daniel was able to take this week off of work, so I’ve been able to lay in bed a lot which has been nice. I’m healing up pretty well, but when my pain killers wear off I’m an achy ball of mush. So the Advil is pumping. The nurse also wasn’t the greatest at placing the IV and it’s still a bit swollen and tender where they placed it which is really annoying and uncomfortable when I’m nursing on my left side. I washed my hair and put on makeup today so PROGRESS! Still living in sweats and don’t want to think about putting on anything besides them, so baby steps. I’m kind of dreading Daniel going back to work, so I’ll just try to enjoy this weekend of baby cuddles.

3. Kiddos

I love my kids, I really really do but it must be a hormone thing but the other kids seem so big and smelly and sweaty and LOUD. I think it’s a natural instinct thing so I hand over the reigns to someone else and snuggle my baby instead. Ollie is obsessed with Felix and dotes over him any chance he can. Atlas brings him little things all day long and runs into the room to “take a kiss to Felix” and runs back out. Prim is a little more apprehensive and totally loves on him, but she slips in for cuddles with me and said the other day, “I wish the baby was back in your tummy for 5 more minutes.”.

4. Reading People

Grace surprised me with this book that came in the mail yesterday and I’m plowing through it! It’s so good! Reading People has such simple explanations of various personality typologies that I’ve already learned so much even with having read so many other books and posts and listened to podcasts on some of these types. Like I think I finally realized that I am more ISFJ than INFJ. I’ve always struggled with Myers-Briggs because I couldn’t place myself but I think I have finally figured it out which is cool! Also the 5 Love Languages. I had struggled with understanding the Gift Giving/Receiving love language because I completely suck at it, but she offered such great insight. Is that your love language? Explain it’s meaning and significance for you to me if you are willing! I’m pretty sure Daniel and I both are Quality Time and I think this season of my life I also gear towards Acts of Service because I am just so overwhelmed all the time so D running to the grocery store or Atlas feeding Poppy just warms my heart. I’m about to be on the chapter about Cognitive Functions and soon onto my fave, the enneagram, so I can’t wait to see what she says about them.

5. Palm Sprangs

I forgot to mention that a couple weekends ago we got away for a couples trip to Palm Springs joined by the Pattons, the Fikes, and the Merings! It was so fun! We had been trying to make this trip happen FOR YEARS and was initially supposed to be girls only, but the husbands barged their way in. We rented a house, spent too much money at the spa, and soaked in the pool all day long. Perfection for my then 38 week preggy self.

6. Felix’s Birth

Oh yeah, did you see his birth story??

7. Photos

Linking up with Kelly! Happy First Day of Fall!

A month ago I would have given anything to know this story as I was crippled with nightly anxiety over this birth. Every pregnancy has resulted with me struggling with this problem in the last couple weeks, but for some reason this time was the worst I’ve experienced to date. Maybe after having a really hard homebirth that resulted in a NICU stay, another difficult homebirth that I can still feel to this day, and a wonderful medicated hospital birth that seemed too good to happen again all made me just so unsure what this birth would end up looking like. But let’s rewind to the start of this pregnancy shall we?

Positive

Towards the end of last year, Daniel and I had gotten to a point where we were both starting to have baby fever. We would calculate how old Prim would be if we got pregnant that cycle and thanks to the Marquette Method, we felt like we had so much control and understanding in that area of life. We got kind of lax on charting and switched from that very much trying to avoid pregnancy to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

While we were in Lake Arrowhead for New Years, I started to notice that I was having some pregnancy signs, but like us ladies know, many of them are the same signs as about to start your period. That Airbnb had 3 flights of stairs and I really started to question if I was pregnant when towards the end of the trip, I was having to hold my chest going up and down them because they felt so tender and sore which isn’t a typical pre-period sign for me. Is this all TMI? I know I want to hear this all when I read birth stories so again, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Back at home I anxiously waited until the first possible chance I could get a positive test but got negative. I decided to just wait until the test would be 100% accurate but my friend Amina surprised me with those Clearblue early detection digital tests. I took it and it said, “NOT PREGNANT” but found out that if you opened them and read the stick because we were a little early even for that kind of test, you could tell. So I busted it open and lo and behold, 2 lines!! We were so excited. Later that night I wanted to look into that trick a little more and found out that actually all those tests show 2 lines, pregnant or not. I felt devastated. It felt like I had lost this baby that I didn’t even know if really existed inside me. The next morning was First Friday of the month and I got up early and went to Mass alone because I needed some grounding. At Mass I prayed and asked God to please just give me a clear answer that day whether I was pregnant or not because the “am I? am I not?” was emotionally taxing. Right after Mass I went over to Vons and picked up a 2 pack of First Response tests. I went home and bolted straight to the bathroom, tore the box open, and did my thang. The positive line appeared immediately and my heart felt so at ease. My baby. Really in there. So much love for this tiny human.

Pregnancy

I never get TOO sick luckily, so my first trimester was pretty mild to be honest. I just get exhausted. The first trimester breezed on past with me consumed with our trip to Mexico.

10 Weeks 

Shortly after the Mexico trip we found out we were having boy #3!! We were so excited, even little Primmy who was a little in denial at first.

Unfortunately, I was sick with what I thought was seasonal allergies but ended up being 2 months of “worse than bronchitis” which ate up my second trimester. Luckily I got well just in time for our Paris babymoon trip! Read More

1. Back to School

Oliver is in FIRST GRADE! That seems so big to me! So far he loves it.

People keep asking me about Atlas, but lil big man still has another year before Kindergarten and I’m keeping him home and doing some preschooling with him when I get one of my rare bursts, or more like nudges, of energy. Basically all I’m doing is 15 min a day during Prim’s nap to sit with him while he works on a different topic each day, 4 days a week.

Monday: Shapes, Colors, and Patterns workbook + drawing a picture of whatever the topic was like circles, green…etc.

Tuesday: Numbers 1-30 workbook

Wednesday: Letters— finishing out Uppercase Letters and soon starting Lowercase Letters

Thursday: Science — Read a page from The Big Book of Bugs and have him draw a picture.

Seriously not too much and his temperament and mine mesh well for this kind of stuff. He still spends most of his day doing stuff like this:

2. Mammoth

This is our second year in a row going up to Mammoth for a few days in the summer thanks to Daniel’s aunt having a condo up there that we stay at. This year I was as lazy and pregnant as ever and didn’t venture out much because walking up and down the stairs at 8000 ft was enough for me. But we still had fun! The kids got a random fever for like half a day and I think it was altitude sickness because nothing came from it. We took the long way home so we could drive through Yosemite National Park since Daniel and I both haven’t been since we were kids and it was as beautiful as we remember and mega crowded.

3. 36 weeks

ALMOST TO THE END. I loved Blythe’s insta story yesterday recapping her first trimester because it is basically me in my third trimester. I wake up achy, help get Ollie ready for school and maybe help throw together breakfast (Atlas has actually been pouring everyone cereal….NOT SENDING HIM TO SCHOOL), go back to bed all morning while the kids play and bring a million toys into my room or I put on a movie, get up to do something productive like some laundry/dishes/vacuum and make lunch, pick up Ollie (been early day all week), put Prim down for a nap and maybe snooze too, get up and straighten the house a little bit and throw together something for dinner or NOT, Daniel comes home and I hang for a little bit and then get in the bath, help put the kids to bed and watch something on TV and try really hard to not have my nighttime birth anxiety, and go to sleep. Atlas took this picture of me the other day which is pretty accurate. Me in bed sitting up because I’m probably uncomfortable before I lay back down. -____-

Read More

Will I ever type out a trip recap in a timely manner? Probably not, but here I am months after our amazing trip to Paris + London finally ready to lay it all out aka just post a million photos.

I feel like I need to start with how this trip came to be because it was nothing short of a bunch of pieces coming together. Last Black Friday, I signed up for a new American Express credit card because they were having a promotion that if you were approved, you’d get 100,000 points! Signed up I did and approved I was so when those 100,000 points slipped into my life, Daniel and I couldn’t stop thinking on how we wanted to use them for airfare for a Euro trip. We threw around a few different trip itineraries (one of my favorite hobbies tbh), but it all felt a little hypothetical because 1. we couldn’t afford to take a big euro trip as a family— I know you’re thinking “Well they’ve taken a big trip to Mexico as a family” but remember that a week in Mexico is basically cheaper than living a week in Ventura. 2. If we left the kids, who the heck would watch them for at least a week?

So the new year rolls around and we find out that we’re pregnant! We bring up the idea of the trip again and decide to sign up for Scott’s Cheap Flights, a service that emails you with cheap flight alerts, to keep our eyes open for flights for some of our possible trips and just to be aware of what flight prices looked like for different times of the year so we could get the best deal possible. Jump ahead a couple months and I’m talking to the wonderful Erica Tighe about how traveling is something that I really need in my life and have always craved and desired since being a child and how it’s something that nourishes our marriage and how we are sitting on these points but don’t know how/when we’ll be able to use them with a baby on the way + needing the kids watched and she ever so graciously offered to watch them for a week as long as I gave her a far enough in advance heads up so she can plan work around it. I couldn’t believe it. That heart of hers is so golden. Daniel’s family also agreed to watch them for a few days. Bless them all.

With child care now taken care of, we just waited for the right cheap flight to pop up for us to snag. We ended up deciding on Paris + a mini side trip because we were thinking longterm and it seemed necessary to start with some of the main cities of Europe before deep diving into some of the other trips we’ve dreamt about. Plus Paris was always the creme de la creme in my mind growing up so we just had to. We ended up finding an amazing deal for a flight at the end of May-beginning of June, all planned around important things happening at Oliver’s school so that we wouldn’t be missing anything. We were having the hardest time figuring out our weekend side trip because the options were so endless. Train to Amsterdam? Train down to Milan? Rent a car and drive through the French countryside? Rent a car and drive through southern Germany???? We ended up with the very vanilla choice of taking the Eurostar to London because Daniel had only spent a day there as a teenager and I had never been so I also wanted to knock out another major city. Also London. The Monarchy. Harry Potter. Plus is was the cheapest/easiest/most relaxing choice -____-.

About a month before our trip, I found out that Ollie’s last day of school and kindergarten graduation was changed to the day we were flying back home during the morning school hours…. so we’d miss it because we would be getting home that evening. I was a hormonal, crying mess. I talked to his teacher and principal and they were so understanding and sent home a parent survey on what time to make the ceremony and miraculously the evening won so we’d have a chance as long as our flights were on time + 405 traffic was decent. Phew, but also didn’t help with the mad anxiety I was having about leaving the kids for that long. We went to confession the day before our flight and the priest gave me the best encouragement and advice after I told him how anxious I had been feeling. He said, “Think of this time with your husband as a time for you guys to reconnect and fall back in love. Being parents, you have to work together and be a team. To strengthen the bond and connection, you need to spend time away from your kids and focus on each other— especially with baby number four on the way. You need this time together to move forward as a stronger unit in order to be the parents these 4 kids need.”. Well, there ya go. Exactly what I needed to hear. My friends had all been saying similar sentiments to me, but hearing it from the priest in the confessional was what finally pushed me over into accepting it and being at peace.

Now to the good stuff.

We got to hang out in the lounge for a tiny bit before our flight where I stocked up on a childhood favorite, “Delta Cookies”.

My grandma used to work at LAX and would bring us bags of these cookies.

Anyway, our red eye flight to Paris was brutal. Not all of it was— like I got to watch half of Bad Moms and Daniel and I watched the uplifting movie Silence for 3 of the 11 hours. That maybe wasn’t the best film choice to watch before trying to sleep. I was 24 weeks pregnant and still recovering from bronchitis and already sleeping horribly in the most perfect conditions so scrunched up in my tiny seat in the dry airplane air thinking about the movie and leaving my kids was bad. I on and off cried for a little bit because I’m a wuss (very much due to exhaustion putting me over the edge) and slept for maybe 30 minutes. We landed in Paris with me feeling like I had the flu and might pass out in the customs line. We make it onto the train to the city from Charles de Gaulle and I finally was getting a second wind and so thankful for Daniel being so quick on his feet and figuring out train schedules and whatnot because I was kind of a wreck.

When we emerged from the Metro into the middle of Paris, I’ll never forget it. I feel like it’s not often you visit a place and it’s exactly how you pictured it (at least for melancholic me), but it was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. I also may have been a little delirious from lack of sleep, but just everything was magical. It was still too early to check into our Airbnb, so we pulled up the handy map I made showing places of interest, restaurants, cafes, etc. to find somewhere nearby to get coffee. Felt a little overkill when making it, but it was such a life saver during the trip.

Read More